This weekend, I was invited to a Halloween murder mystery dinner, and I had to come in a costume that involved a formal gown. I had no idea how I was going to pull it off, but then while searching for something else down in the basement, I came across an old dress I had bought to attend a black-tie event in Chicago.

It was made of mauve chenille.

In theory, I love the idea of a chenille evening gown. It’s so Project Runway: “Let’s make a formal piece of clothing out of the most down-home textile we can imagine!” It makes me feel like a modern-day Scarlett O’Hara who happened to stumble into the bedroom, rather than the parlor, in search of dress fabric.

As with many high concepts, though, the execution falls far short of the idea. The dress is cut unflatteringly and does nothing for my figure, and the color washes me out. It’s really comfortable, but it makes me look like an unmade bed.