I’m the kind of person who likes to wrap things up. I drive to completion. I realize goals. I cross things off my list. It’s served me pretty well in my work life, since people actually pay me to teach them how to do it. In my personal life, not so much. (I was the single woman saying, on the third date, “Where do we think this relationship is going?”) Yes, I realize that there’s a time to lie back and allow the universe to unfold its grand plan in front of you, but as those of us who have dealt with infertility know, there’s also a time to pick up the damn phone and call the fertility specialist or the adoption agency and get things moving along.

I’m struggling with this right now. A while back, I posted that Husband and I had decided to specify a girl for our second adoption. I posted a nice little defense of this decision, feeling a bit defensive about this choice. While I knew we would be happy with a girl or a boy, I didn’t want to close off, permanently, the possibility of having a girl.

That was then–mid-April. At the time, I thought our dossier had already gone to Korea and we would be getting our referral by April 2006, at the latest. Three months later, our fingerprints are not approved and we won’t be on the waiting list for at least another few weeks, maybe another month. The longer we wait, the longer wait times are expected to extend. Our referral might not come until September 2006, and we may not meet our second child in person until 2007. The one thing that might shorten the time frame? Moving from the “girl” list to the “child of either gender” list, which is currently getting referrals 3 months faster.

I was ambivalent about specifying “girl only,” and now I’m ambivalent about changing that decision. I don’t want my neurotic need to get things done to be the main reason for changing my mind. But it’s more than that; it’s a fear of what might happen during this delay that’s prompting it. Adoption is not really a sure thing. Many things can derail it: an illness, a political situation, even a pregnancy. (And although that may sound like six of one, half a dozen of the other, it’s not. It’s horrible to have your plans for a child interrupted, even if that interruption is the possibility of another child. It’s still, oddly, a loss.) Bottom line is, the longer the process drags out, the more opportunity for things to go wrong.

So Husband and I are back to picking boy names. This is tough for two reasons. First, we’ve had our girl’s name picked out for years, since we started our first adoption process, and ever since we’ve started the process for #2 we’ve been referring to our future baby by this name. Now, that baby no longer exists, or at least the possibility of her is greatly reduced, because chances are that our referral will be a boy. But it’s also difficult because we just can’t find a boy’s name that fits. Our criteria are that the name has to be plain and common, but not particularly popular, while also appealing to us. Most of the names we can think of fit only two out of three. Try it: Herbert? Plan and not too popular, but icky. John? A plain name I like, but too common. And so forth.

Luckily, I found this awesome baby name site. Apparently, Mormons like to give their kids off-beat names. I guess when you have anywhere from ten to 45 kids, you have to get somewhat creative. Creative as in Anfernee….El Myrrh…Nephi Courage…Pledger.

In an odd bit of synchronicity, Husband and I have just finished reading Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. (Clarification: We just finished reading it serially; we’re not that precious.) In the book, Krakauer alternates between the story of a brutal murder and the history of the Latter-Day Saints, drawing parallels between the church’s violent past and the fundamentalist doctrines that are resurfacing. I was absolutely fascinated by the kooky beginnings of Mormonism–Golden plates unearthed in upstate New York? God handing out conflicting revelations, like some cosmic game of “To Tell the Truth”? Equally fascinating are the weird artefacts that persist even to today’s mainstream church: Long underwear, even in the summer? Fortune-telling as a sanctioned church activity?

I told Husband that I couldn’t believe our governor comes from a religious tradition that believes that American Indians are descendants of the Israelites. Husband pointed out that most of our government believes that their prophet rose from the dead, so it’s not really that crazy, relatively speaking.

Anyway, we have a wealth of interesting boy name choices now. “Helamans Warrior” has a strong martial ring and will alliterate nicely with Aitch’s name.