Aitch loves anything with a motor. He now has separate words for cars, trucks, fire engines, trains, motorcycles, buses, and planes, the latter being the most recent obsession. He can distinguish an aircraft drone from other street sounds. When the skies are empty, he tearfully commands us to conjure planes out of thin air.

People like to use the “boys and motors” obsession to prove that gender differences are hard-wired, but I’m not yet ready to discount the influence of environment. Sure, the seed of motomania is there, but we’re definitely watering and fertilizing it. I was looking through Aitch’s books the other day, trying to find one that showed a distinguishable “Mommy” and “Daddy” in an effort to illustrate the principle of calling one’s parents by different names. Half of his books were about animals, and the other half were about motor vehicles. There was one preachy little tome called Teeth are Not for Biting (which reminds me of that old adage regarding art — “If you want to send a message, use a telegram”), but everything else fell into one of those two categories. My point being that his truck-love is getting a lot of reinforcement.

So. Nature. Nurture. Does it matter? When someone says, “My boy’s really into trucks,” the not-so-subtle subtext is, “My boy conforms to the social norms for gender expression.” Or, more directly: “My boy is heterosexual!” That’s why we feel so obligated to respond with approval: “That’s so cute, that’s wonderful.” Subtext: “Congratulations on producing a straight heir!”

Recently, I’ve heard several different parents speculate that their (very young) sons might be gay. Are they imagining, projecting, or just starved for provocative conversation? I’m not sure, but the last time I heard this I suddenly remembered another friend who, when he came out to his parents, was told by his mother that she had known he was gay since he was two. So let’s assume that it’s possible to see something in a very young boy that allows you to pinpoint him as gay.

I am trying to decide how I feel about outing one’s toddler son. My gut reaction is that it’s wrong. First, children pick up on everything their parents say. (The parents I spoke of above made their comments within earshot of their kids.) Unless the parents are putting a hugely positive spin on this — “Billy is doing well at T-ball and, hey, we think he’s going to be gay too! We’re so excited!” — the kids are going to pick up negative vibes. Second, it seems premature to identify your child as homosexual before he even consciously identifies himself as sexual.

Third, what if you’re wrong? What if your toddler is only metrosexual?

But then I began to look at the issue from another point of view (being as fair and balanced, you know, as a Scandinavian gymnast). We claim kids for the heterosexual team almost from birth. Just yesterday, we saw a girl from Aitch’s toddler class on the playground, and her mother greeted us with, “Here’s [my daughter’s] boyfriend!” I didn’t fling myself at her, shouting, “How dare you foist your internalization of the straight hegemony on my son!” (Nor did I call her out on racist attitudes for assuming that our kids, both Asian, would be inevitable dating partners. Four out of 9 kids in Aitch’s class are adopted. The odds are stacked against his ever dating a non-Asian girl with biological parents. Or boy, for that matter. See? Ingrained.) So if you think your child is gay, why not talk about it openly?

The main question I have is, what would you do with this knowledge? Would you treat the child differently, trying to prepare him for future discrimination? Would you ignore it, remaining neutral so your child could discover this on his own? And how would the public react to this concept? Since states now have Head Start funds under their own control, responses would probably differ based on geography. The Texas Head Start program would offer “Go Straight Boot Camp,” patrolling the playgrounds for evidence of gay behavior and then deporting those kids to special schools. (Only, having decimated their Head Start budget, they would probably rely heavily on volunteers.) In Massachusetts (state motto: We can always find the funds!), we would start gay toddler playgroups and PFLAG in-utero chapters.

Since we live in a community with a sizable gay population, I hold out hope that, however Aitch turns out, he’ll have lots of support.

Which brings me to my Blue State Quiz of the day: Which of these two Port City mayors is a bigger threat to the sanctity of marriage?

a. The former mayor, a lesbian who lives quietly in town with her partner and their child, or

b. The current mayor, a married hetero with two kids who began exchanging romantic e-billets doux with her son’s soccer coach, to which a political ill-wisher subsequently obtained access, printed out, and sent to her husband, who proceeded to punch out the coach and was arrested and charged with assault?